潜意识作祟的爱情宿命

有些人与下文例子一样，成长经历塑造了照顾者性格，容易共情处于困苦中的人，感情中无形会被处于痛苦的对象吸引，反而与性格、生活都较阳光的人恋爱，因为与此前的人际经历差异极大，这种陌生感会激发恐惧不安，体验为对关系、对方的不信任，对爱情维系制造困难。这可能让人解读为“这就是我的命，只能有不好的爱情”。无关命运，成长经历塑造的潜意识作祟，可以改变。 “我从没有被不抑郁的男人吸引过。我不知道那是什么感觉。我习惯了和那些只顾自己、沉浸在痛苦和复杂问题中，难以振作的男人在一起。理解这些男人并和他们的痛苦产生共鸣的能力，一直是我最主要的联结方式。菲利普如此乐观向上，天性外向。他和我以前处过的对象完全不同。他完全超出了我的参考框架。难怪我下意识地感到如此强烈的抗拒和不信任！一旦我意识到这一点，我就开始放松下来。现在我并不急于离开。”——《心理治疗中的临床直觉》 I have never been attracted to a man who was not depressed before. I don’t know what it feels like. I’m so used to being with self-absorbed men so wrapped up in their pain and the intricacies of their problems that they can hardly look up. My ability to understand these men and resonate with their suffering has always been my primary connection. Philip is so upbeat. He’s so naturally outgoing. He’s an entirely different guy from any I have ever been with. He’s so outside my frame of reference. No wonder I automatically felt so much resistance and mistrust! As soon as I realized this, I started to relax. Now I’m in no hurry to leave.